"There is some controversy here, and that is to whether I am an adult sized male."
"We're the same size, that's a perspective shot."
"Conan's arm is 20 feet long."
"There's no reason to taunt me on the way into the building."
"John Edwards turns out to be the Cindy Brady of South Carolina."
"For months Giuliani was the frontrunner for the Republican nomination... and then people started voting."
The lesson here is that when your writers are on strike you have to resort to killing time by making jokes about being short. That makes me feel bad about what I do.
But here is something that makes me feel good about what I do—an excerpt from my presidential heights page on Digg.com via mentalfloss.com. Thanks mentalfloss.com! There is also a caption contest that I drew there, so check it out.
Okay, I'm late for a press conference! (It's about how my landlords evicted a guy and sent his four cats to the pound.) See you on local TV!