Kristin Chenoweth

Kristin Chenoweth—4'11—performed one of the songs from the Disney movie-musical "Enchanted" last night at the Oscars. A lot of people were wondering how Enchanted could lose for best song when fully 3 out of the 5 songs nominated were from that movie. Here is the answer: when you have too many songs from the same movie, it splits the votes! That's why we don't nominate two Democrats against one Republican or vice versa. Also, another thing to remember is that all of the songs that were nominated were terrible.

A Response To My Readers

Wow, I had no idea that so many people were so worried about me!  Chris, I already forget what your comment was, but thank you.  Tom, I am excited to work on your movie, especially now that I know you read this blog.  Mom, why haven't you e-mailed me about yesterday's post yet?  Not as good as the other ones?  

In short news, I just saw the movie In Bruges.  It was pretty good, and features a lot of discussion of whether a large percentage of dwarfs commit suicide.  Much of this discussion is set off because one of the main characters is a racist, drug addled dwarf played by Jordan Prentice, of American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile fame.  Jordan is a Canadian.

A Long Overdue Apology to My Readers

This has been the longest absence from blogging in a while, and it pains me to have to come back here and hang my head in shame before all of you nice people. This is especially hard when there have been so many exciting new developments in the world of smallotry.com, for instance, our very own Duffbert has reviewed The Short Book on his blog and on amazon.com. Also, the results of the caption contest on mentalfloss.com were announced. So, you see, you're missing out on a lot, and it's pretty much my fault. Here are my excuses:

1. A friend of mine told me about this thing called google analytics, which is a function on google that lets you see how many people are looking at your blog and where they are from etc. According to google analytics, there are zero visitors to this blog, from zero locations. I know that can't be right, because I visit this site. So there should at least be one visitor. Me. But it's possible I pasted the code in the wrong place, so it's not working correctly. In any event, this blog is my heart and soul, my pride and joy, and it was a little disconcerting that not even I was visiting it.

2. I have been lifting a lot of weights recently.

3. I am also working on something of a tan.

4. Online boggle on facebook/watching American Idol.

5. I sort of hate this blog.

6. Recently, a lot of friends and acquaintances, some of whom I haven't seen in years, have been offering me a lot of unpaid working opportunities. Several people have offered to allow me to draw cartoons for free for projects they are working on, and some other people have offered to have me write unpaid humor pieces and in one case even a whole unpaid movie script, on an unspecified topic, of unspecified length. All of these incredible opportunities have led me to question if blogging is my true calling. It's actually sort of maudlin around here, what with all the self-doubt.

7. When I sit at my desk I usually, unconsciously, rest my left foot really hard against my right foot (I cross them) and so my feet have been hurting and it makes me not want to sit at my desk, which is why I'm writing this in bed, which, let's be frank, is not a good habit to start.

Oh, Hell Yes

Everyone is talking about this article, and it is basically what I have been saying all along. Every short person, no matter how short, has the innate potential to be a world champion weight lifter. I don't even care if you want to be one. You owe it to your friends and neighbors to live up to your natural potential.

If You Only Have Time to See One Movie This Morning

Make it mentalfloss.com, where they are showing the finalists to my caption contest.

Stepping Away From the Mainstream For a Second

I just checked Amazon.com and they have reduced the price of my book. It might be the cheapest available object in the entire history of the internet. Talk about a recession!

Primary

I voted the other day, but it didn't take. Was this because I am short? YOU be the judge.

In Case You Didn't Realize

The point of my last post about my landlords was not just to show the world that I am capable of succeeding in the medium of television, but rather to show that even though I was one of the shortest people in attendance, I was able to be the only tenant whose face was on camera for most of the time. Bear in mind, the last thing any tenant wants is for his landlords to see him at a protest against them. They evicted a guy and tried to kill his cats. I fear for my turtle's life. You can see what my turtle, Mike Belmont, looks like in the Short Zach Braff video. He's already depressed enough, without having to be murdered.

I also got my first royalty check today. I have outsold the bible (sales figures were taken from a period prior to 300 AD).