Thursday, November 29, 2007

Comments Responses, Part I

There were a lot of comments about how I left out Napoleon in my discussion of height in politics. Here are my responses to those questions:

Cognate: You left out Napoleon.
Me: I left out a lot of people in that post, because there are enough to fill a book. Which I did. The book includes Napoleon. I can't give you the whole cow if you're just going to drink all of the milk out of it first and leave it shriveled up hanging half out of a trough, as the expression goes.

Shizzlewhizzle: Napoleon was 5-6 very good for his days.
Me: Yes, he was 5' 6 1/2" which was above average height for a Frenchman in his time. Napoleon has a reputation as a short fellow for a number of reasons, but one of them was that he was 5'2" in French Inches, which were longer than British Inches, and since the British hated him, they didn't correct the mistake. Luckily, the metric system was around and before Napoleon's autopsy, his physician, Francesco Antommarchi, measured the emperor’s body as 1.686 meters, which is around 5’6.3 in today’s inches.

StephenJK: Ask Napoleon Bonaparte if height matters in politics.
Me: I...uh...I wish I could do that StephenJK.

Issak: Napoleon wasn't a politician.
Me: Yes, he is a cake.

Kendo Nagasaki: Yes, he is a cake.
Me: Oh! I didn't notice that. I guess we agree, Kendo Nagasaki.

StephenJK: He was a general who made political decisions. I consider him a politician by proxy.
Me: Fair enough. But should we consider him a politician? To help us with this question, I am providing a short biography that was cut from The Short Book. Enjoy!


A Short History of Not-Short Napoleon Bonaparte

“A Constitution should be short and obscure.”
-Napoleon Bonaparte

Napoleon was born in Corsica, on August 15th, 1769. As a child he was picked on for always posing for pictures with his arm in his coat. According to Napoleon, his father was a lover of pleasure (this was not a compliment coming from Napoleon, who preferred displeasure) and his mother was very harsh with him: "She sometimes made me go to bed without supper, as if there were nothing to eat in the house. One had to learn to suffer and not let others see it." Straight out of Dickens. C’mon Napoleon, grow up.

And grow up he did. After longing for death during his teens (like any normal teenager) he got all caught up in the French revolution, joining the military and rapidly advancing. By killing a lot of people Napoleon became general. If he had only saved a lot of people instead, he could have been a general practitioner. That is a joke that widows used to say about Napoleon, the man who murdered their husbands.

In 1796, Napoleon married Marie-Josephe-Rose Tascher, whom he called Josephine. A widow with two children, Josephine was somewhat perplexed and put-off by this strange little man, but he was going places and she needed support. To make a long story short: their marriage was not that happy, then sad, then a little bit happy, then pretty bad, and then she couldn’t have a baby and they got divorced. In 1810 he married the 19-year-old princess of Austria, Marie Louise. Upon her arrival from Austria, before even the ceremony could take place, Napoleon took her to bed. He claimed that her first words to him were, “Do it again.” It is a truly beautiful story.

Napoleon had many successes as a general and he advertised them well, creating newspapers to tell of his victories and crushing newspapers that wouldn’t. He even wrote some of the articles, coining such real one-liners as “Bonaparte flies like lightning and strikes like a thunderbolt” and not coining other fake ones such as “Bonaparte is frightening to behold in his sleek new moccasins.”

He had spies everywhere, even underwater—he thought fish were underwater spies and he would throw money into the river to pay them, yelling, “Collect your blood money, you fish.”

Napoleon drafted many important peace agreements, developed the first codified system of law in France —known as the Civil Code, or Napoleonic Code, which still exists to this day—and crowned himself Emperor of France on December 2nd, 1804. As emperor, Napoleon formed the first “Grand Armée,” which he used to subdue much of Europe. Ironically, the only part of Europe that Napoleon could not suppress was his own troubled stomach. Oh, and Russia.

Domestically, Napoleon was met with other troubles: political troubles. He was acting like a tyrant. He had a man kidnapped and executed without a trial or a last meal. When the French noblemen found out, there was mutiny afoot. Napoleon was exiled to the isle of Elba (an insult in itself, as he was known for his tiny elbows). After amassing an army and plotting a return, Napoleon was ultimately defeated at the Battle of Waterloo, so named because that was the song they played dramatically over the loudspeakers while they fought.

Napoleon died during his second exile to St. Helena in 1821. He died as he lived: forty-six-years-old.

7 comments:

ann-kpn said...

彌月蛋糕彌月禮彌月禮盒股市分析股市億萬贏家股票行情 股票教學股票軟體實驗動物徵信徵信社外遇草本茶養生茶有機茶送禮花草茶茶包果粒茶上海自由行 北京自由行 杭州旅遊 便宜機票 旅行社 旅遊網 泰國清邁 團體旅遊 簽證水管不通抽化糞池 洗水塔 消毒 馬桶馬桶不通通水管通馬桶 化糞池抽水肥 團體服團體服團體服訂做 手提紙袋手提袋包裝紙盒 包裝紙袋 包裝盒紙盒印刷 紙盒訂裝紙袋工廠紙袋包裝紙袋印刷 漆彈 台中漆彈場 3 漆彈宜蘭民宿宜蘭住宿宜蘭飯店花東旅遊訂房網訂房網 網路訂房線上訂房肉毒桿菌

ann-kpn said...

Precision Mold 水餃拉麵泡菜美食食品批發團購美食養生涼麵麵條麵條製作香港自由行 澳門自由行法律事務所13 律師律師事務所離婚搬家公司Electronic PCB Flex PCBHeavy Copper PCBIndustrial PCBMedical PCB Microwave PCBPCB RF PCBRigid-Flex PCBseo統一發票3 4月統一發票7 8月統一發票1 2月統一發票9 10月統一發票9 10月統一發票5 6月seo水晶燈流行燈飾原裝進口燈飾照明洗包包加盟 洗鞋子洗鞋加盟洗鞋店創業 鞋之澡堂消防公司消防設備消防設備崴立機電機電環保袋環保袋環保袋環保袋地板施工超耐磨地板

ann-kpn said...

滷味滷味加盟滷味宅配滷味批發滷味食材滷雞翅滷雞腳魯味店面出租店面出售 店面租賃租店面 租辦公室 買辦公室 店面出租皮膚科皮膚科診所肉毒桿菌肉毒桿菌瘦臉柔膚雷射玻尿酸 飛梭雷射脈衝光除斑iso iso認證Ohsas 18001品質管理教育訓練台北搬家公司桃園搬家公司搬家公司 新竹搬家公司搬家公司整形整形韓風整形韓風整形早餐店加盟創業加盟店創業開店開店創業巴里島 牙周病牙周病治療方法牙齒美白植牙植牙費用沙發上順旅行社大興旅行社五福旅行社天喜旅行社天福旅行社日本自由行 日本訂房日本旅行社日本旅遊 日本機票洗包包

ann-kpn said...

公益彩券 公益團體捐款健康食品慈善 慈善基金會 慈善機構愛心捐款義賣義賣活動全身健康檢查肝癌身體檢查健康檢查乳癌外遇徵信社徵信Odm Oem代工廠 塑膠射出 塑膠射出成型塑膠射出模具 模具 模具設計 模具廠室內設計裝潢工商登記公司登記投審會 會計師會計師事務所OBU素食月子餐網頁設計 網頁設計公司4 seo關鍵字廣告網路行銷網路廣告 2 水餃台北素食餐廳吃素素食 素食水餃素食餐廳健康飲食團購美食素食食譜素食料理麻糬
團購美食 彌月禮盒交友 相親相親銀行

ann-kpn said...

滷味滷味加盟滷味宅配滷味批發滷味食材滷雞翅滷雞腳魯味店面出租店面出售 店面租賃租店面 租辦公室 買辦公室 店面出租皮膚科皮膚科診所肉毒桿菌肉毒桿菌瘦臉柔膚雷射玻尿酸 飛梭雷射脈衝光除斑iso iso認證Ohsas 18001品質管理教育訓練台北搬家公司桃園搬家公司搬家公司 新竹搬家公司搬家公司整形整形韓風整形韓風整形早餐店加盟創業加盟店創業開店開店創業巴里島 牙周病牙周病治療方法牙齒美白植牙植牙費用沙發上順旅行社大興旅行社五福旅行社天喜旅行社天福旅行社日本自由行 日本訂房日本旅行社日本旅遊 日本機票洗包包

ann-kpn said...

心絲蟲白內障狗皮膚病 動物醫院腎衰竭寵物住宿寵物醫院 獸醫師獸醫院出軌徵信徵信公司徵信社外遇 通姦植牙加盟早餐店加盟創業化糞池馬桶不通通馬桶 清潔公司中華湯包 手工水餃水餃加盟創業宅配美食冷凍宅配創業加盟湯包 中華湯包湯包 月子中心坐月子 坐月子中心坐月子餐到府坐月子坐月子中心台中坐月子中心台北月子餐月子餐外送月子餐食譜結婚金飾鑽石婚戒塑膠袋塑膠袋批發塑膠袋工廠塑膠袋塑膠袋批發飛梭雷射

ann-kpn said...

化妝品包 裝化妝品盒 紙盒 彩色印刷 彩盒 藥盒 老人癡呆症情緒管理慈善慈善基金會 慈善機構婚友婚友社婚友聯誼 婚友聯誼社 愛情公寓聯誼Hook and Loop加盟創業健康滷味洗包包加盟洗鞋加盟Injection MoldInjection moldingLight guide panels Mold designMold development Plastic injection moldingPlastic injectionPlastic Productsapartment日租套房台北日租台北民宿 酒店式公寓 汽車美容汽車美容汽車美容訂婚喜餅 訂婚禮盒喜餅喜餅價格喜餅禮盒彌月送禮肉毒桿菌瘦臉整型診所醫學美容醫學美容診所外遇徵信徵信社 月子中心美國月子中心美國月子中心美國月子中心團體服