If You Only Have Time to See One Movie This Morning

Make it Norbit.

Smallotry Today

People think there is no smallotry in the world, but today someone asked me if I could even reach the wine glasses in my own apartment.  I can reach the ones that are closest to the front of the cabinet, but not the second or third tier of glasses.  DUH.

2008 on Smallotry.com

Whew! The 2007-2008 blogger awards season is finally over, and I can get back to actually blogging again. For those of you who don't have an "in" on the whole month-long gala event, here were some highlights:

• Smallotry.com won the award for Best Overall Feeling
• I personally won an award for being neither anorexic nor too fat (there are a lot of awards at these things)
• I met the editors of Gawker—an 8 year old boy and his bored father
• Google made me an offer I couldn't refuse (a gmail subscription)
• Two different people approached me about guest-editing their blogs about clubbing.  No thanks, weirdos!
• Noah Baumbach and his wife, Jennifer Jason Leigh, were there, looking great.

At one point, during HuffingtonPost week, Alec Baldwin and I were smoking cigars on the balcony and he said to me,  "You're the Smallotry.com guy, right?  I loved your book, and I absolutely love your frickin' blog, but it seems like you're stretching yourself a little thin.  You're trying to blog for everyone.  Know your audience kid.  For instance, when I did the remake of "The Getaway" with my then-wife Kim Basinger, we had a sex scene and y'know, people knew that it was possible we were really having sex on set, because we were man and wife.  You see what I'm saying?  Know your audience."  Then he started punching me all over, as a joke at first, but then they were real punches and I had to run inside as he tore at my shirt.

I did know what he was saying.  In the old year I was too worried about getting the word out there about my book, and the book tour, and frankly, it worked.  I have now sold more copies than they even printed of The Da Vinci Code, and I am still penniless.  But thank you America and other nations, for giving me a chance.  In the new year, I will focus on using this blog for what it is intended to be used for: documenting the day-to-day degradations I experience and witness as a person of short stature.  And you, readers, readers who number like the stars, you are welcome to contribute your own tales of shame and abasement.

Sincerely,

Smallotry.com

A Short Joke, Courtesy of the Internet

"You are so short, you have to get on a stool just to pick your nose."

End of the Year Awards

Congratulations Smallotry.com readers! We were just nominated by www.google.com as one of the best blogs on the internet! Smallotry.com will bring you all the updates on the awards process, as well as presenting some of our own end of the year awards. Tis' the season.

A special holiday surprise: our very own featured video about Short Zach Braff has been viewed over, wait for it, 300 times on youtube.com!

Now get back to your holiday parties you crazy kids.

Special Offer!

I'm taking a quick break from answering your tough comments, readers, in order to take care of some housecleaning:

If you go to amazon.com right now, you can buy my book, "The Short Book" AND "The Daring Book for Girls" by Andrea J. Buchanan for only $24.92! That is a savings of $1.00!

Short Quote of the Day: "Shortness of breath and shortness of temper are common afflictions of the tall." - Pericles

Quick Movie Review: "The Savages" stars P. S. Hoffman and Laura Linney. The first half hour is great. The last half hour is one half hour too many. The half hours in between are mixed. A small observation: it is not hard to make people seem like they have sad lives if you just show them staring at a bleek landscape and score it with sad music. A tour de force.

Comments Responses, Part III

There are some comments about Presidents I need to address, but here is an easy one:

LOVE THE SINNER: Arnold Schwartzenneger is only 5'7" short. I stood behind him at a Swenson's Ice Cream Parlor in Santa Monica while he very politely chatted up the register girl who seemed to be talking to a movie star for the first time in her life. I had a long wait while she failed to muster up the courage to either make a pass or ask for his autograph so I got a real good look at the top of his head which seemed to be squeezed from out of his Gold's Gym tanktop without the aid of a neck.

I'm 5'9 and 1/2" tall (I say tall because 5'9" is exactly average) so there's no way he's the height you mentioned in your otherwise fine post.

Just thought you'd appreciate the correction, even though it's too late to fix your book. (Maybe you could tell people it was intended to be a comedy)

Me: Thanks for the info! I do very much appreciate that correction and am not at all surprised. Unfortunately, it is too late to fix my book and I just don't think I would be able to convince anyone that it is a comedy book.