Thursday, January 31, 2008

Duffbert, Look at This

Folks, Duffbert,

Here is some important publicity for the short book.  I am the guy with the green hat in the background.  The guy mysteriously stroking the cat is state senator Duane Reade.  You have to click on the video link that you can find by following this link.

best,
Smallotry.com

More Mainstream News!

One thing a lot of people like is the Daily Show, with its charismatic host and hilarious youtube.com clips.  But did you know that Jon Stewart is short?  Here are some things he said last night about his being short in relation to Conan O'Brien in an old photo:

"There is some controversy here, and that is to whether I am an adult sized male."

"We're the same size, that's a perspective shot."

"Conan's arm is 20 feet long."

"There's no reason to taunt me on the way into the building."

"John Edwards turns out to be the Cindy Brady of South Carolina."

"For months Giuliani was the frontrunner for the Republican nomination... and then people started voting."

The lesson here is that when your writers are on strike you have to resort to killing time by making jokes about being short.  That makes me feel bad about what I do.

But here is something that makes me feel good about what I do—an excerpt from my presidential heights page on Digg.com via mentalfloss.com.  Thanks mentalfloss.com!  There is also a caption contest that I drew there, so check it out.  

Okay, I'm late for a press conference!  (It's about how my landlords evicted a guy and sent his four cats to the pound.)  See you on local TV!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Here Goes Nothing

Do any of you like this woman, Amy Winehouse?  I've heard she is all the rage.  Thoughts?

Big Changes at Smallotry.com

I guess because we won all sorts of internet awards there is a lot of new interest in smallotry.com.  I won't say who, but one major corporation even made an offer to buy us out.  Of course I said no, but it was a tempting proposal.  You don't know what you'll agree to after your third or fourth chicken kiev.

And the links!  Suddenly newyorker.com is linking to us, which is a lot of pressure, because people have a certain expectation of quality from the New Yorker, which we don't share here at smallotry.com.  We let if flow, for better or for worse.  Remember the "History of Violence" liveblogging.  I didn't realize that when you liveblog, you're supposed to post each thought as it happens, not just write them all down and post them at the end.

But there's more!  This week over at mentalfloss.com there is a whole bunch of stuff about The Short Book.  You can see today's interview: here.

Now what does this mean for the average smallotry.com reader?  It means there are going to be a lot more of you pretty soon, and that means that things need to get a lot more mainstream.  In the real world, people don't want to read links to articles, and they don't care what other people think about movies.  People who live in the real world care about one thing: mainstream things.  And smallotry.com is bowing to the pressure.  

Will there be more sex and gossip here?  If that is mainstream.  Will there be more photo funnies?  If I can figure out how to upload them.  Will there be content about smallotry and other shortness related bigotry?  As long as the majority of people find that information to be conventional.

Let's do this, together.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Important Article

I haven't read this article yet, but apparently short people are prone to get arthritis, y'all.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Very Very Important

This is exactly the kind of thing I've been talking about here on smallotry.com.  Basically, if you follow that first link (I finally figured out how to put links in the text) you will see an article about these robbers who use dwarfs hidden in hockey bags to rob passengers on buses.  If you follow the second link, you will be taken to groogle.com, which is nothing.  

This brings up an important point, which is that dwarfs have hidden in tote bags since time immemorial in the hopes of robbing people.  For instance, Runi Tober was an Italian robber in the 19th century who did the same thing.  No big deal.  Read all about it in my book: 100,000 Rhyming Things To Remember To Say To People Before I Go To Sleep Tonight.


Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Ryan Seacrest

A lot of folks are making a big deal about how short Ryan Seacrest is.  Well, a few years ago I was watching Ryan Seacrest on the David Letterman show, and I started to freak out because it seemed like he was really evil and insecure.  Now I just think he's pretty insecure, but he appears to have grown into himself, as it were, and that makes me feel a little bit better about him.  In fact, I no longer think he is evil at all.  The movie American Dreamz has Hugh Grant playing a really evil sort of version of Ryan Seacrest.  Do not see that movie.  Unrelated.  The movie is terrible.

In any event, I'm glad that Ryan Seacrest is short.  It humanizes him, and it humanizes all the American Idol contestants because you can tell how tall they are in relation to him.  As a matter of fact, I now think they are all too humanized, and it makes me a little sad.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Friday, January 11, 2008

Smallotry Today

People think there is no smallotry in the world, but today someone asked me if I could even reach the wine glasses in my own apartment.  I can reach the ones that are closest to the front of the cabinet, but not the second or third tier of glasses.  DUH.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

2008 on Smallotry.com

Whew! The 2007-2008 blogger awards season is finally over, and I can get back to actually blogging again. For those of you who don't have an "in" on the whole month-long gala event, here were some highlights:

  • Smallotry.com won the award for Best Overall Feeling
  • I personally won an award for being neither anorexic nor too fat (there are a lot of awards at these things)
  • I met the editors of Gawker—an 8 year old boy and his bored father
  • Google made me an offer I couldn't refuse (a gmail subscription)
  • Two different people approached me about guest-editing their blogs about clubbing.  No thanks, weirdos!
  • Noah Baumbach and his wife, Jennifer Jason Leigh, were there, looking great.
At one point, during HuffingtonPost week, Alec Baldwin and I were smoking cigars on the balcony and he said to me,  "You're the Smallotry.com guy, right?  I loved your book, and I absolutely love your frickin' blog, but it seems like you're stretching yourself a little thin.  You're trying to blog for everyone.  Know your audience kid.  For instance, when I did the remake of "The Getaway" with my then-wife Kim Basinger, we had a sex scene and y'know, people knew that it was possible we were really having sex on set, because we were man and wife.  You see what I'm saying?  Know your audience."  Then he started punching me all over, as a joke at first, but then they were real punches and I had to run inside as he tore at my shirt.

I did know what he was saying.  In the old year I was too worried about getting the word out there about my book, and the book tour, and frankly, it worked.  I have now sold more copies than they even printed of The Da Vinci Code, and I am still penniless.  But thank you America and other nations, for giving me a chance.  In the new year, I will focus on using this blog for what it is intended to be used for: documenting the day-to-day degradations I experience and witness as a person of short stature.  And you, readers, readers who number like the stars, you are welcome to contribute your own tales of shame and abasement.

Sincerely,
Smallotry.com